| Falling down i feel the weight again. |
[25 Sep 2005|07:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
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a wilhelm scream-god loves a liar |
] |
so i felt all the feelings you were supposed to feel. mad and sad and confused. until it was made up too me. but i think when she came to see me that i was too tongue-tied and generally not there, that i might have ruined it right there. hopefully i can make it up. and all will be well.
except for the stupid mechanics of technology. why dont things just work?
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| if you still have a heart to steal then ill steal it from you. |
[21 Sep 2005|07:11pm] |
| [ |
music |
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houston calls-bob and bonnie |
] |
i hope i steal her heart.
this day cant get any better. my boss just told me that i got a raise. the only thing bad was not getting an ipod. but its coming. so suck that bitches. what a rollercoaster it all is.
"im about to live the life you said wed live together"
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| she said, "i like your style" |
[21 Sep 2005|04:27pm] |
| [ |
music |
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june-speak up |
] |
i dont know if anyone has ever googled their name before. but i did. today. i did images and up came for the first picture was a giant rock. it was from a website about national parks. this rock was from yoshua tree park. whoopity-doo. maybe youll get something better. try it and tell me what you get.
so i dont want to type much cuz im at work, but today was awesome even if i didnt get my ipod. it will still be known as awesome throughout history.
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| can you see me through your bedroom window |
[20 Sep 2005|08:14pm] |
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music |
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armor for sleep-akward last words |
] |
"Found my way back in the dark tonight,
Couldn't wake up not right next to you,
I'd trade forever to just hear you say the sound of my name,
But that's not why I'm here,
I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long,
I wanna find you so bad and let you know I'm miserable up here without you,
Don't believe that it's better when you leave everything behind,
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die,
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die,
I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long,
I wanna find you so bad and let you know I'm miserable up here without you.
so death is a big subject these days. ive learned that im no big help so i dont know if this comforts anyone or not, but it felt right.
so people are depressed these days. life is really a bitch to us all. and all we can really do is ask why? hang our heads and wait to maybe be lucky enough to find out the answer if there is one. until then, instead of the whole, "it doesnt matter cuz were all dead anyway" theory, it might be better to say, "were all dead anyway so be happy to make it worthwhile." it might be better.
so i think i have enough courage now. but it all depends on the situation tomorrow. it probably wont work out, but it doesnt matter. "i told you not to believe in me".
so "all i do is push you far away from me"
bought longest yard today. funnny as hell. and lillie actually liked it. like my buns of steel like the magnet in your head.
so tomorrow could be potentially very good. with the exception of work. im supposed to stop by circuit city tomorrow to pick up a little package of mine. should be fun but i wont be able to do anything with it because im working wednesday and thursday.
"I started looking out for myself today
but then I stopped cause I don't care
I'm feeling bored of feeling numb
so now I'll stop cause I don't care":sums me up very well.
heres something to ponder upon, and heres to a great day for everyone tomorrow, including me and my plans.
"I chronicled the days you made me want to live
Memorize the way that it felt and then I turned it into this kiss
Tonight I’m wearing my best smile and hope to make me worth your while
I’ll be the best mistake you’ll ever make
From the lack of sleep and the bloodshot eyes
To the nervous kiss and the butterflies
Does this make any sense at all
She said, she said
We‘re not sleeping, and I’m not breathing
If this means anything at all
I won’t let you leave me anymore"
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| tell myself goodbye |
[18 Sep 2005|09:24pm] |
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music |
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the juliana theory-this is a love song....for the loveless |
] |
and if i could teach the world to be
id teach them not to be something just like me
frustrated, bitter, depressing.
PERFECT!-as if my wings were like yours.
PERFECT!-but im falling down.
and if you could hold your tongue long enough
youd see that all i am is love
but i dont like me, i despise me.
PERFECT!-as if my wings were like yours
PERFECT!-but im falling down.
PERFECT!
its a disease theyll never have a cure for
youre the only way to dry my eyes.
its a disease theyll nver have a cure
but im the ones whos wrong, im the one who cries
its a disease theyll never have a cure for.
so my life is like a graph. flat lining on the bottom, rising, lowering, steadying off. who knew that those who dont ride rollercoasters are all riding one now.
so the dance was phenomenal. great time, thanks so much brooke. i owe oyu so much.
i was hurrying around before hand and thought it would all be rushed, but it went great. the dance itself was fun. its weird though, instead of waiting a year, theres another one in like 7 months.
outback was good. i was actually bummed we didnt hit up taco bell afterwards. im tired as hell though. another long week of school. the monotony is going to set in again. i cant wait for halloween. whoohoo. lol.
so zach braff was on the emmys. british accent and all.
just breath
his knees were bled begging
he believed that shed be there forever
but he loves her
they have broken off
i dont tihnk that i could tell you how i feel right now.
just breath.
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| id wait all my life for you because if this is meant to be then its all i can do |
[14 Sep 2005|06:07pm] |
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music |
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houston calls |
] |
i finally know what i want:
i want a girlfriend who is stunningly beautiful in her own way (a.k.a. not a carbon copy model). i want a girl who will spontaneously burst out in song. i want a girl who will never ride in a car in the middle of summer without the windows down. i want a girl who would always wait for me. i want a girl who i would look foward talking to, and even look forward to thinking about her. i want a girl who i have just as much fun sitting on my bed talking to all night as going out and having dinner. i want a girl who will never get tired of everything that is me. i want a girl whos smile is like liquid sunshine. i want a girl who will dance around like hellfire and not care whos looking. i want a girl who i can have intelligent conversation with (not neccesarrily nuclear science but not what who is wearing what today either). i want a girl who is touched by simple romantic compliments, gifts or gestures but does not require them. i want a girl who will think of me just as much as i think of her (meaning 24/7). i want a girl who will try anything once to a point. i want a girl who knows where the line is and will step across it just for the experience. i want a girl who will be nice to me when i need it and be mean to me when i need it. i want a girl who make fun of me to lower my sometimes very high expectations of myself and just to make me laugh. i want a girl who would love me to serenade her with my corny love songs in my oh so terrible voice, but she doesnt care how bad the voice is just so long as its me singing the song. i want a girl who will surprise me with random heart touching special moments. i want a girl who i can just think of as lucky for any man to have but damn lucky of me to have. i want a girl that loves my tender corny romantic side. i want a girl who quotes songs, movies, and tv shows. i want a girl with a solid set of morals and values. i want a girl who kisses me and says, "i like you style". i want a girl who will go anywhere just so long as its with me, like i will go anywhere just because im with her.
i want something that doesnt exist.
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| i hold onto every second like paradise |
[12 Sep 2005|09:23pm] |
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music |
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evergreen terrace-i say you he dead |
] |
Shake: (to Happy Time Harry) This is a magic cliff here, like in The Highlander. So you will become the Highlander, and you'll roam the earth forever *trying* to kill yourself, but you won't be able to, because you'll be immortal! Won't *that* suck, little man?
Meatwad: Well, actually, that sounds kind of cool.
Shake: Yeah, it does.
Meatwad: Then I'm gonna do it.
Shake: No you're not! *I'm* doing it!
Frylock: Shake, wait! The Highlander was just a movie, I mean-
Shake: Oh, Frylock. The Highlander was a documentary, and the events happened in real time.
that will be the one happy thing you hear from me until firday.
i think its time to sober up and die.
i want to fall in love and leave tonight.
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| the eulogy has been read |
[07 Sep 2005|09:00pm] |
| [ |
music |
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a wilhelm scream-less bright eyes, more decide |
] |
got yelled at work for talkign on the phone. a customer saw me talking on the company phone and said i was talking on my cellphone. my boss started to get mad at me. when my manager (two different people) told my boss that it was probably the company phone, she still yelled at me. just one of those days.
"we are all fucked"
you know, life sucks. i hate work. i hate school. i dont do anything. and im going to get in trouble in journalism tomorrow because of it. but oyu know what? no motivation for me still. oh well. so i guess i ought to go shut down the sepress for the night. time to do it all again tomorrow.
AAAHHHH the universe is a bitch.
"here i am-in love with oyu again
congratulations
here i am-the dancing fool again"
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| we live like vampires. we love like killers. |
[04 Sep 2005|02:58pm] |
| [ |
music |
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stutterfly-dead eyes |
] |
so desperately they wait for the excuse of love.
im at work. and im still really really bored.
"we all die like infants and we trust like mirrors."
sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat worrying that im not actually living life. its really scary. theres so much to do and so little time. well never be able to do it all. back to my whole-how are we ever going to meet everyone and doing everything gig. i always feel as if im missing otu on something. the world spins and turns and all we do is go to work and go to school staring into nothing preparing us for the "real world" when the "real world" is actually leaving us all behind. we will never reach what the whoever-psychologist-that-invented self-actualization believes. because we will never be at a real level of highest potential. we all just fall. all we know is falling. each second is ticking by, and what exactly are you doing? im at work, staring at a computer. 7 billion people and none of us can get it right. its funny how im such a hypocrite.
there are moms and dads that come to the sexpress. and they go here and let their kids just play. the mom or dad or both sit there and read a magazine and excpect us to babysit them or something. a dad got mad at me because his kid hit his head. youre a freaking loser. youre the dumb ass who actually spawned the teenie titan monstrosity. dont come crying to me when he gets his hand stuck up his ass. they stay here for hours on end while the kids plays with piece of shit thomas toys. who the hell can play with the train set for hours? i hope the kid grows up to be a retard. just like his dad.
"do you feel scandalous
knowing inside that i if i wasnt here
that oyu would eb somewhere else
with somebody else?"
so i have 695 days until i go away to college. give or take several days.
this reads as a very depressed entry. but im not really. so take it as you want it.
lets hold our breath until we disappear.
im dying to be anybodys everything.
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| make me think beautiful unexpected thoughts |
[04 Sep 2005|02:20pm] |
|
so i got a new icon cuz i was tired. watch it all. and be amazed.
i am supposed to credit somebody. and that various somebody would be sw33tstrawberry. so umn yeah. enjoy it.
went bowling last night. it was really pathetic. it was a huge amount of fun. but it was really sad at how bad i was.
i feel like shit. sarah got me sick. even though it was really avery. im blaming it on sarah. my nose and ears and just my general head is all stuffy. yuck. "this will hurt you. its killing me. this will hurt you. and i will too."
phil sold me his madden. ive kinda benn playing it. its good. my AP has not come. and im calling. and complaining. and then going to buy it all over again.
brooke and i are having a burning party. sometime. if oyu want to come. make sure to express your interest.
i love how no one comments when i asked them to. oh well.
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| im never waking up |
[01 Sep 2005|08:00pm] |
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music |
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lovehatehero-the risk |
] |
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!
MY FUCKING FAVORITE BAND IN THE WHOLE WORLD JUST LOST THEIR GUITARIST AND I THINK IM ABOUT TO CRY!!!!
from:http://www.lovehatehero.com/
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Hey what's up people.
Unfortunately, we had to part ways with our buddy Josh Newman, due to musical differences. We wish Josh well in all his future musical endeavors, and are now seeking a replacement guitarist. Here's the lowdown on who we're looking for:
Male or Female- you dont need money though its a plus.
1: Must be great at guitar.
2: Must have experience playing shows and be able to rock out on stage.
3: Must be able to tour anytime, we have 3 tours booked for this year (Odd project/divide the day-Calico system/Chiodos-Funeral for a friend/A Static lullaby/hopesfall) these tours are almost non-stop through december, you'll have thanksgiving and Christmas off.
4: Must live near Los angeles, Orange County ok
5:You must have your own guitar amp, ( we have an ESP endorsment so guitars are covered)
6:NO DRUGS
7: Willing to sleep in the van most of the time.
8: Ill think of some more
We are really fun, good guys, we'll have lots of fun together.
Applicants can send an email to pierrick_berube@yahoo.com
HOLY FUCKING HELL!!
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!!!
this sucks like none other and i think im going to sprial into a depression. this sucks majorly. (and by the way im exxaggerating about the depression. but not the crying.)
Paris Bosserman and Pierrick Berube will forever rock my socks like none other. r.i.p. my dear friend josh.
today was going good until now.
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| im the first kid to write of hearts lies and friends |
[01 Sep 2005|07:43pm] |
| [ |
music |
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roses are red-conversations |
] |
"i found the cure to growing older
and youre the only place that feels like home
just so you know youll never know
some secrets were meant to be told
i found the cure to growing older"
so yeah. im bored. two in a couple of hours. lets do it.
my AP is late in coming this month and im so excited to get it i want to run home and rip open the mailbox.
drink coke. play again.
so the good thing about the schedule is that we dont have to do homework until monday night. or my case-tuesday morning. thats always cool. its just too much juggling though. i havent started out good with the whole editor thing because im too lazy. im not going to type my paper until friday night. two days after the deadline. not a good starter to get editor. oh well. shell have to deal with it. the teachers all ahte it. most of the kids all hate it. i just think of it as a new situation. we will always encounter them. might as well adapt to it. its just a werid jarring change. way too many tests and quizzes to keep track of.
living is just a waste of death.
have you ever spent an entire entry typing things and then erasing them after reading them and thinking them either dumb/corny/too depressing/too obsessed/too weird/or just generally unconducive to the general reading of the public? yeah thats what this entire entry has been for me.
this whole lousianna thing better not happen to florida until after i leave. i means its sad. but its really got to screw up these people lives. are the seniors there like having to wait a year before they graduate or something? the high schools are gone, how are they going to learn? not that its big deal other than going to college. lol. seriously though, its too bad for them. thats got to really screw up their year.
"if i could take your pain away
i would scream for you
i would bleed for you
so youll never feel this way again"
the knots in my stomach are tearing me apart.
im trying to tihnk of something to type and it all comes back to classes. calc is definitely the hardest. "i should be there with you". i ahte math. and i have no idea why we are learning limits. it seems so easy. but it really isnt. they are all just trying to fool you.
well i ve run out of things to say. i wonder who all reads this. so heres a way to find out. comment. and if you dont in the words of the infamous Milton Bradley, "i want people to say Milton Bradley was a pretty good ballplayer and a pretty good person. anybody who is going to stand between me getting there, then they need to be eliminated." yes. if you dont comment you will be eliminated.
so heres what youre commenting on: "say the first thing that comes into your head when you see me."
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| if this means anything at all, dont let me leave you anymore |
[01 Sep 2005|05:09pm] |
| [ |
music |
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lovehatehero-knees bled begging |
] |
ill be the best mistake you ever made.
so my boss told me i have to work the day of homecoming. i told her id quit. we have a "birthday sale" and are going ot be busy out the wazoo. so she said, how late can you work. we agreed on a 10-2 day. i wouldnt care ordinarilly except that i asked brooke to go with me as friends today. so i kinda got to go. lol. it will be awesome fun. now that everyone has me psyched up for it. including scott. cant wait!
so everyone is freaking out because there is a gas shortage. this is simple dynamics people. everyone is dumb as a rock. dateline was talking about how gas prices will go up, and there MAY be a shortage. so people go out to get gas before it gets too highly priced. once everyone goes out, there starts to be a shortage becuase the gas stations didnt have enough gas to support everyone. watch. by the end of next week, the gas stations will be filled with gas but no one will eb buying because everyone will have a full tank. its simple dynamics people.
so i found out that the front computer has an internet connection. so im sitting here with underoath playing. getting paid for it. incredibly awesome.
"no medicine exists to make my lungs work again"
short but humid day at cross country today. i was sweating like a greased monkey out there.
i cant believe how everyone was going on about the psych test. it seems like all the juniors have that class and that they are all, "im goign to be killed by this test". suck it up abbies. you signed up for the class. lol. it was kinda hard, but i heard someone say it was the hardest test they had ever taken. please. have fun at edison buddy.
its been a good day today.
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[29 Aug 2005|09:16pm] |
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could you be my alibi?
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| if this is love then kill me now and save me from my life |
[28 Aug 2005|02:08pm] |
| [ |
music |
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silverstein-the ides of march |
] |
"if i dont make your heart skip a beat then hate me"
"im jealous of headlights cuz theyre all that cling to you"
so cross off option 1 and 2. too little time and not good enough are the causes that they can be filed under.
so yesterday i wasted a lot of gas. but it wasnt a waste cuz i spent some time with friends. so used would be the filler. mall, movies, scared town, taco bell, sarahs and lillies, bowling, beach, wendys. now you say-how did oyu do all that. elementary my dear watson. we did very little of it.
so im at work. i found out that i made 5,000 bucks in july for the sexpress, and im hitting 4500 in august. i need a raise.
so i guess were having odd day. thats what everyone is saying. so i odnt know if that will be good or not because i cant remember what we did on thursday and whats due. chem homework? how far are we supposed to be in the ring book thing? whens the test in psych? and am i supposed to have my ad in journalism on tuesday still? how about the shitty american history test, whens that? too much to keep track of here. getting the picture people?
"what were you thinking that i was thinking"
"i trace every curve
on your precious face
and pray some day youll beg me
to beg you run away"
yeah i really dont knwo where to go from here. another week of frantic hurrying and half done hidden homework in between practices of being what you want.
"I will never recover from this
I will never believe in this again
And I can never go back to the way I used to be before this started
The snow won't go away, My nose runs down my face
No one sees me here, It doesn't even matter
And every step I take, I stay in the same place
I can't begin to start again why can't I just be perfect?"
why cant i just be perfect?
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| they call it rock n roll (and other shit) |
[28 Aug 2005|10:51am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the letters organize-theres room for one more |
] |
so i was going to put osmething about perfection here. but i lost cuz i cant think straight. it was this long rant on life and death and perfection. but it got lost in the shuffle. anytime someone you know dies you tend to think about life some more.
so friday was awesome
saturday was sad
perfection its my turn.
what is there to say when its all been said befroe
what is there to write when its all been written before
"obession will kill me
perfection killed the enemy
obsession is the enemy"
and i got that feeling in my chest
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| i did not have sex with a dog |
[26 Aug 2005|09:52pm] |
| [ |
music |
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queen-another one bites the dust |
] |
falling upon deaf ears.
ill take to you like blood to the heart if you listen.
your hearing is a bit deficeint
but its your heart thats really not listening.
open your heart and you might find your ears open as well.
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| this is the last exit. the crowd all cheered. have fun. |
[25 Aug 2005|10:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
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senses fail-irony of dying on your birthday |
] |
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
yeah im bored. can you blame me? no.
so i hate how i live in naples. everything here is like bleh. i want to move. i want to get out of here. what about mount rushmore? ever seen it? i thought not. neither have i. skydived? nope. eifel tower. big ben. pyramids. a little restaurant in switzerland. a taiwanese facotry? nope. a concert in germany. nada. ice hockey in canada? nope. i want to move. it feels like everyone that i want to talk to lives way far away. i want to run with the bulls in spain. there are so many people in the world. how do you meet them all? how do you meet the one person that complements you? and with 7 billion-is there only one? i mean theres just so many. are they all nice? what is up with the people i want to talk to living in georgia michigan louisianna north carolina virginia maryland. what is up with life.
oh well.
"their chests are hollowed out"
"some people are just too caught up in beautiful"
"they call this the badlands"
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[25 Aug 2005|07:51pm] |
| [ |
music |
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spitalfield-something very catchy |
] |
so im at work. haha. everybody at work actually works while i get the good job and can go online.
so raise your hands if you got a 46 (45?47? i havent counted yet) in psych. thats right. my hands up.
so actually my favorite class of the week was photography today, just one block after complaining about how bad that class is. hate to say but i dont tihnk ill switch out anymore.
i met some awesome people. angela and jenna (last names.....?) used me as their model. and jill (britts friend/last name.....?) took pictures of me peeking behind pillars, standing on trolleys, and being just overall weird. nice pictures by the way. i have roped more people into voting me best smile seniro year. damn right im campaigning now. everyone better pick me. only election ill ever get into, btu by god im going to win it.
"i knwo something beautiful
but shes not here"
so at work. really bored.
some girl in photo has the exact same two favorite movies. pretty cool. actually met two girls that wouldnt mind being in a mormon wedding. too bad its not me though lol.
"step back"
"my timing was perfect"
(actually im still waiting for that moment. hasnt fucking come yet.)
so i hope the football game is going good. everybody is goign to have to swim out to their car.
i ran around the band in cross country today. i had to run down to some development halfway to golden gate parkway. osmething like 5 miles round trip.
well according to heather i have achieved world dominance of my fan club. she claims everyone is in but her and my math teacher (who is secretly in it, she called me by name on my first day there and i havent had her for a year. oyu know thats a member right there.) so uh-look at heahers lj for my first moves as head of the world. tomorrow some new rules will be put down that our current leaders were too big of pussies to put in place.
have a great day and remember- your worst day anywhere is better than your best in the sahara with no water and a track coach gunning you down from within his protective confines of a jeep. getting the picture people?
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| you must be bleeding under your eyes |
[22 Aug 2005|05:57pm] |
| [ |
music |
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blindside-put back the stars |
] |
Averageloser0913: I cant wait until the AP tests come around, i will probably openly laugh at 1/4 of the kids in my class. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING. "FREAK OUT NOW!" hahah
bucsrock4055: lol
bucsrock4055: yeah i know
bucsrock4055: ********
bucsrock4055: or however her name is
Averageloser0913: lol.
bucsrock4055: is in my calc class and im like-
bucsrock4055: wow when did they start to allow retards in AP's?
Averageloser0913: LOL.
bucsrock4055: im so putting that in lj
just had that. *'s are for protection. not like she knows me. but im a nice guy. so whatever.
aint it something to know that youre lost
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